I started back to work this week.
Not full time (yet), but this week it was time to start prepping the pool for the 2013 season.
On one hand: exciting! By Friday the entire pool was painted, the locker rooms were cleaned and stocked, a basic inventory has been done, and a whole lot of scrubbing and sweeping has occurred. Oh, and the birds nests. We got up into the rafters to shoo out the birds that thought it would be a good idea to nest there.
This upcoming week we get to start painting the pump house, locker rooms, guard room, managers office, concessions etc. Plus Justin and I have to figure out some details for orientation, I have to take a couple more short classes, and (my biggest concern) I have to learn how to handle the chemicals for the entire facility. It's busy, slightly intimidating work, but it's my pool, it's being outside and I love it.
Other hand: I don't get to spend 24/7 with my little guy. Now I get up in the morning, make sure I pack him a good lunch, sippy cups, diapers and anything else he may need and take him to whoever's house he is going to spend the day with. I do love that it means he is spending time being more independent (and he does so good being away from me, no separation anxiety at all from what I can see) and that he gets to interact with other babies and children and learn from them. But it's hard for me to not be with him. What if I miss his first steps? What if he starts to forget who I am? What if I no longer see him often enough to know which sippy cup is his favorite and which squeal means that he wants to play chase? I keep reminding myself that I am doing this FOR him, not for me. I plan to use my income to help us be more eligible to own a home, a real house with a big yard that Jace can grow up knowing as home. I will be able to provide him with the things that he needs and the food he requires to grow. I don't intend to use the money to foolishly spend on myself: he is my priority. But it's still a lot more difficult than I thought it would be to say goodbye to him in the morning and know that it will be hours before I see him again.
The upside is that, for now at least, I have been done by 3 or 4 in the afternoon, which means I still have a few hours to play with him, go for a walk with him and Luna, and feel connected to my baby. My housework is suffering a bit, but it really does take time to adjust to a new schedule. I hope to get into a rhythm soon, and for now am just appreciating the time I do have with my little love.