Welcome to my little haven of creative writing, passionate ranting, and thoughtful learning.

Friday, June 14, 2013


I've discovered lately that life really is all about balance.

When you put too much time into your work, you family life suffers.
Too much time focused on your housework, you lose time with your family.
Too much family time, you become overwhelmed with a need for "me" time.

So, I am strongly focusing on finding that balance in my life, and I'm surprised to say that working has been so helpful.
Working long hours at the pool is exhausting, and sometimes I do wish that I worked a bit less, but it has actually made me a better mom. I know this isn't true for all mom's, but when I stayed home with Jace all day every day I would get frustrated by the end of the day. I also was so focused on getting my housework done that I forgot to appreciate my moments with him. Now, my moments with him are much fewer. But I am much more concerned with spending that time really being with him. So when I am home in the morning, I get him up, we have breakfast, play and cuddle. It's the same if I get home in the afternoon: I really try to spend more of my evening with him.
My time at work is also very important to me: I have the personality that needs to feel independent. As much as I love the idea of being a stay-at-home mom, relying completely on my husband for income scares me. Since age 16 I have always worked: pizza shops, on campus, at the pool, a warehouse position etc. Even when it was a small amount of income, I still had income or even savings to rely on. By working a full time job this summer I have that feeling of financial freedom, which is so important to me.
The other upside with work is that it does give me time to myself as well as time to be social. As a manager this year I do spend more time by myself: doing paperwork, scheduling, and checking chemicals. During those times I can do a little self-reflection without feeling guilty for not being with Jace. And, of course, managing a staff of 22 means that I have ample opportunity to be social as well. I have formed new relationships with guards, and enjoy having someone new to talk to.

I'm still not at the ideal balance: I could really still use more time with Nathan, and working a little less would be ideal, but working with what I have, I believe I am nearly balanced and I love the peace that it gives me. My time is accounted for, my relationships strong, my sanity intact, and my optimism prominent.


Tuesday, June 11, 2013


Today I am extremely thankful for my optimistic nature. Because even though I am doing a little grieving, I am also confident that something better will come.

We're not getting the house.

Actually, because of an unfair complication with Nathan's job (not his fault, just bad luck for us), we won't be getting any house anytime soon. See, to get a mortgage you have to meet certain requirements. So, even though I am working a lot (55.5 hours last week alone), since my position is seasonal they will not count my income. And so, we had to make phone calls this morning to go about canceling the contract because we will not be purchasing that beautiful, wonderful home that we found. We will, however, still be paying for all the inspections that have been done. Unfortunate, but sadly there is nothing we can do.
However, my nature is to see the good. And so I am believing that something better is coming our way. I am choosing to believe that there is a reason it did not work out for us to have gotten the house and I will find out what that reason is in time.

For now, I will continue to be thankful. Thankful for the support of friends and family, thankful for optimism, thankful for my family, and thankful that God has a plan for us, even if I don't yet have any idea what it is.