Monday, July 1, 2013
Preparing for the Hardest Week of My Life
Oh well, I'm also quite certain that it is accurate.
So, with scheduling still being complicated, and with the grandparents frequently saying they wish they could see Jace more, Nathan and I decided to let him go up to Ohio for a week to visit. I stand by this choice: I believe it is a good one and that it will be beneficial to everyone, but I am having panic attacks at the idea of not being with my baby for nearly 10 days.
I have not been away from Jace for more than one day his entire life. There's something reassuring about being able to watch him sleep in his crib, to feed him his breakfast, and to cuddle him while we watch a movie. It's how I know he is safe, and therefore I feel safe. I don't exaggerate when I say that Jace is my life, if I ever lost him I am quite sure I would lose myself. So when I think about going many days without the ability to hold him or hug him, it breaks my heart.
I know Jace will have fun. And I know that he will be better from the experience: I want him to be able to be independent. To be adventurous. To be unafraid. I want him to be able to go to church camp, to go off to whatever college he pleases, and to end up wherever in the world he wants to be. Yet right now, while he is still my little biddy one, I don't want to give up my time with him. Even one week without bedtime stories, without bathtime, and without stealing my phone, seems like too long.
So for the next few days I will be spending every second I can with him, mentally preparing myself for the upcoming week when our family will (temporarily) be significantly smaller.