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Thursday, December 3, 2015

For Better or Worse

When I got married, I heard that the first year of marriage was the hardest. You had to learn to live with all of each others flaws, to budget together, to really be adults and partners.

But if I'm being very honest, despite the learning curves and welcoming our son into the world four months into our first year of marriage, I would not dare say it was the hardest year of marriage. In the past year we have truly tested our vows. We have been so far into "or poorer" that we moved into the basement at Nathan's parents. Living in the hospital for nearly two weeks and planning for two additional surgeries for him plus surgery and testing for me, means we've definitely experienced the "in sickness and in health." Quite frankly, this year has very strongly been a year of the "or worse."

And, in the interest of being transparent, I have to admit to struggling with the "till death do us part." There's nothing like extreme stress, rapid change, drastic loss and uncertainty to really exacerbate the problems that already exist in marriage. Like any couple, Nathan and I have had recurring issues in our marriage. Issues that are challenging enough to work through without all the other pressing changes.

But for today, today I'd like to focus on the good. I want to remember that for four years, this man has stood by my side. He has held me when I cried as often as he has frustrated me. He has listened to me for days on end when I need to vent, he is my sounding board, and he unfailingly loves me. Whether or not he always shows it, he is the unfailing one in this relationship that always, always, no matter how angry or frustrated he is, says "I love you."

Happy Anniversary my love. Thank you for your dedication and loyalty, your comfort, and for being my friend no matter how crazy I am. I love you.