As a little kid, I wanted to be a veterinarian. A job where I saved the animals, who wouldn't want that?
But then in fourth grade accelerated class we watched a film of brain surgery and I was sent running to the restroom. That made me rethink.
The next dream was to be a marine biologist. Being in the water with the dolphins and sharks, studying the fish and coral, perfection.
And then I got into high school science classes. I simply did not have the science brain: I had the language and literature brain.
By the time I graduated high school, I had decided to pursue an English degree as a pre-law degree. My senior year government class impassioned me, and I was convinced I could do it.
In college, that dream fell away. English was still my talent and passion, but going to law school no longer was. I fell into English teacher, and then when I was 21 that morphed one more time.
The last five years I have been working toward another dream: to be an English professor. I wanted to get my Master's and Doctorate degrees and teach at a small college. I longed to be able to write my own syllabus, choose the classes I taught (to some extent) and to work with young adults. I wanted to wait until Jace was in school to start back to school, but the dream remained unchanged.
Until this year.
My life isn't as stable as I hoped at this stage. Certainly not stable enough for me to consider undertaking multiple more years of school and multiple more years of debt. And with Nathan's health being what it is, I couldn't accept a teaching job unless that job was at a college close to a certain type of hospital.
And then I started at Hyland. I had never heard of a Project Manager in Information Systems. But as I've immersed myself in this world, I wish I had known about this type of work ages ago. Is it as dreamy as teaching my love of literature? No. But it's my love of details, of planning, of the feeling of pride and accomplishment that comes from completing a project successfully. It's given me a new goal to work toward and a new dream.
Change is part of being human, it's a part of life. Sometimes that change happens naturally, and sometimes it is forced by circumstance. But as I think about my future, and about the life I want for Jace, I think this change is for the best. Is it absolute? Of course not, remember that 15 years ago I thought I was going to be a veterinarian. But driving toward this goal will help me to move forward and keep on dreaming.