In grief heaven miscarriage open letter remembering

To My Baby in Heaven

Hi Sweet Baby,
Today was your due date. Your birthday should have been earlier this week (maybe even last week), based on your older brother's arrival 9 days before his due date. So today we would be at home where you would have met Luna and would be sleeping on my chest for most of the day while we watch your big brother play trains. One of your grandma's would probably be here to help out and steal cuddles from you while I got some rest.

I loved that you were supposed to be my summer baby, I was going to take a whole summer of maternity leave with you and your brother to spend at the pool and in the sun. We were going to take Luna for walks, and watch your brother learn to swim.

We never knew if you were a boy or a girl, but Daddy and I had your name decided either way. If you were another sweet baby boy, you were to be Sawyer Phoenix Kouris.
Our precious girl? Ava Victoria Kouris.
A couple months after we lost you I discovered something in the names meant for you: Ava can mean "of the birds" and a phoenix is a bird that is continually reborn. Even your name had wings little angel.

Even though we never met you, you are so loved. And you are missed every day, but especially days like today. I'm so sorry that I will never know you in this life. But I believe with every fiber of my being that you are in heaven and you will greet me when my time on Earth ends. I cannot wait for that day sweet one, because not meeting you still torments me.

I'm sure you've met your baby brother or sister, who was supposed to arrive on earth in November. We miss you two more than we can put into words, but in a strange way I take comfort in knowing that you are not alone anymore, and then when my time on earth ends I will see my two babies.

You will always be treasured, and always be counted little one.

Love you forever,

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