Promised By God

Last February, during a routine Sunday morning at church, I was struck by an image.

Jace, C, and a baby girl sitting on a mountain smiling for a picture on a family vacation.

I knew I was seeing a glimpse of my family in the future, I knew that baby girl was our sweet Saige (the name Nathan and I had decided upon if we ever had a baby girl). I wrote it down, and otherwise kept it mostly to myself.

Last June, we were faced with the possibility of losing C to a relative he had never met. I clung hard to that vision of my family, even as social workers told me "He will either go to this relative or go back to bio mom." I refused to accept that answer.

The relative retracted their interest, and seven months later our wild boy is sleeping soundly in his bedroom in our home: exactly where he should be. His story is still evolving and ongoing, but we are still believing, and still loving him to the fullest.

In October, when I got the first positive pregnancy tests (I took three in one day, just to make sure), I knew it was a girl. At the first doctor appointment at 8 weeks along, I was plagued by memories of the miscarriages, but did everything I could to have faith over fear. And there it was, a strong heartbeat and a doctor that assured me despite my history, this pregnancy was more likely to be normal than to be anything else.

I was thankful for morning sickness and exhaustion, ecstatic when I felt the first flutters of movement, and when it came time for the gender ultrasound, I already knew what the answer would be. I did not even have boys names under consideration, I knew this was Saige.

In discussion of names, I wanted a middle name that really truly had meaning.

Amaris- promised or given by God. 

It's been a very twisty journey to this point: miscarriages, months turning into years of negative pregnancy tests, foster care certification and placement, and now, we are halfway to meeting our daughter.