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Saturday, February 7, 2015

Guilt Both Ways

I live by the philosophy of "choose your hard."

Being overweight is hard.
Maintaining weight is hard.
Losing weight is hard.

Choose which version of hard you want to live with.

Being a mom that works full time away from home is hard.
Being a mom that works from home is hard.
Being a stay at home mom is hard.

I've chosen my version of hard, and it's to work a full time job.
But there are some days when hard seems a little harder, and that's where I was yesterday.

Yesterday morning I was supposed to have a meeting at work at 10:00 am. I had a full checklist of tasks to accomplish because we are entering our busy time of planning, adjusting to a new building, and have fewer employees than usual. I was ready for a full and busy day at the office, until a sweet toddler boy got out of his bed at 5:45 am with flushed cheeks, a congested cough, and a singular goal: to cuddle.

I take my job seriously. I take motherhood seriously. So sitting at home watching Veggietales and filling sippy cups with orange juice, I couldn't help but feel simultaneously complete in my motherhood and useless in my role as employee.

It's amazing to me how much being a mom and being an employee do not go together. But as I continue to navigate my dual roles, I know I have it a lot better than some. I have it better than even my husband, because though I felt guilty about not being at work yesterday, and knew I would go back to extra work on Monday, I was able to take a paid day off. If Nathan had called off, he wouldn't have been paid and would have been at higher risk of losing his job.

And if the worst of my hard is missing a meeting to cuddle my boy, I really can't say it's that's hard.