Why Moms Cling to Other Moms
After two years of mom life, I've noticed something. Almost all of my female friends nearby are fellow moms.
Of course, I still have some very close friends that aren't parents, and I love them so dearly, but I started studying why moms stick together. (Yes, I really do spend a lot of time analyzing people.Yes, I'm a bit strange.) But anyway, here's what I've discovered:
1.) Moms understand late or canceled plans.
You were just about to walk out the door when you noticed. No choice but to strip him down and get a new diaper.
Just as you went to hop in the shower, little one threw up all over you.
You call or text, explain in as few words as possible, then deal with the above circumstance.
They respond: no grief, no guilt, just a very compassionate: I totally get it.
2.) Your missed text or call is responded to. Two days later. No judgement.
The conversation picks up just where it left off: no explanation needed.
3.) The state of your toy-strewn living room looks totally normal to them. They probably don't even notice.
Admit it, as a mom, we are envious whenever we walk into the houses of out non parent friends. Their fingerprint free windows, beautiful vases of flowers placed on low coffee tables. Books without Disney characters or that start One Fish Two Fish on their shelves, and stunning grown up colors on their unstained carpets.
And we therefore know what those friends see when they walk into our homes. The red and yellow blocks strewn all over the floor, the television remote that has some sticky substance on it, the Curious George theme song on repeat, and the toybox, which has somehow become the centerpiece of the room.
But another mom, she's able to look past all those things and see the new family picture you hung up above the couch. She doesn't make a face as she uses her foot to clear a path through the room because it's so second nature, she may not realize she's just done it.
4.) Coffee/Lunch/Dinner dates happen at each others houses.
Fellow moms don't usually head up to the local Starbucks to catch up. We don't go out to Olive Garden for a leisurely lunch. We pack up the kids, and head to the home of mom friend where they have brewed a good size pot of tea, and enjoy conversation while watching the kids play in an already kid-friendly place.
If we do go out, we're heading to the nearest food joint with a play place (unless we've found a babysitter or a hubby with no plans of his own).
5.) They offer a type of support no one else can.
When you tell another mom what's going on, especially if they have a kid near your child's age, they can not only offer words of comfort and support, they get it.
Unlike your mom, who has blocked out most of the more terrible parts of parenting and remembers the cute and cuddly parts.
Unlike your single friends, who can offer love, but have no real way to put themselves in your shoes.
And unlike even your husband, because even if he is the most fantastic father in the world, he doesn't quite get it.
Here's one of my best examples: this past Monday I was heading to dance fitness. And Jace lost it on my way out the door: crying, clinging, "mamamamama"-ing. Anyone knows that is sad, and can imagine that it is hard, but I have to believe that only another mom understands what it physically does to your heart to watch your baby cry for you. It's not something I can put into words, it's not something that I can make an adequate comparison to, but when I arrived at dance fitness I didn't have to explain it because the mom's just got it. That solidarity offered me so much comfort, because it takes away the feeling of being alone in your feelings.
I'm so incredibly blessed to have those women in my life, and I don't think I can every thank them all enough for their friendship.
Of course, I still have some very close friends that aren't parents, and I love them so dearly, but I started studying why moms stick together. (Yes, I really do spend a lot of time analyzing people.Yes, I'm a bit strange.) But anyway, here's what I've discovered:
1.) Moms understand late or canceled plans.
You were just about to walk out the door when you noticed. No choice but to strip him down and get a new diaper.
Just as you went to hop in the shower, little one threw up all over you.
You call or text, explain in as few words as possible, then deal with the above circumstance.
They respond: no grief, no guilt, just a very compassionate: I totally get it.
2.) Your missed text or call is responded to. Two days later. No judgement.
The conversation picks up just where it left off: no explanation needed.
3.) The state of your toy-strewn living room looks totally normal to them. They probably don't even notice.
Admit it, as a mom, we are envious whenever we walk into the houses of out non parent friends. Their fingerprint free windows, beautiful vases of flowers placed on low coffee tables. Books without Disney characters or that start One Fish Two Fish on their shelves, and stunning grown up colors on their unstained carpets.
And we therefore know what those friends see when they walk into our homes. The red and yellow blocks strewn all over the floor, the television remote that has some sticky substance on it, the Curious George theme song on repeat, and the toybox, which has somehow become the centerpiece of the room.
But another mom, she's able to look past all those things and see the new family picture you hung up above the couch. She doesn't make a face as she uses her foot to clear a path through the room because it's so second nature, she may not realize she's just done it.
4.) Coffee/Lunch/Dinner dates happen at each others houses.
Fellow moms don't usually head up to the local Starbucks to catch up. We don't go out to Olive Garden for a leisurely lunch. We pack up the kids, and head to the home of mom friend where they have brewed a good size pot of tea, and enjoy conversation while watching the kids play in an already kid-friendly place.
If we do go out, we're heading to the nearest food joint with a play place (unless we've found a babysitter or a hubby with no plans of his own).
5.) They offer a type of support no one else can.
When you tell another mom what's going on, especially if they have a kid near your child's age, they can not only offer words of comfort and support, they get it.
Unlike your mom, who has blocked out most of the more terrible parts of parenting and remembers the cute and cuddly parts.
Unlike your single friends, who can offer love, but have no real way to put themselves in your shoes.
And unlike even your husband, because even if he is the most fantastic father in the world, he doesn't quite get it.
Here's one of my best examples: this past Monday I was heading to dance fitness. And Jace lost it on my way out the door: crying, clinging, "mamamamama"-ing. Anyone knows that is sad, and can imagine that it is hard, but I have to believe that only another mom understands what it physically does to your heart to watch your baby cry for you. It's not something I can put into words, it's not something that I can make an adequate comparison to, but when I arrived at dance fitness I didn't have to explain it because the mom's just got it. That solidarity offered me so much comfort, because it takes away the feeling of being alone in your feelings.
I'm so incredibly blessed to have those women in my life, and I don't think I can every thank them all enough for their friendship.
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