In adulthood being a grown up life's not always fair stress

Being Transparent

First, I'm not writing this for pity. I don't expect special treatment. And I'm not writing as a contest of, "Oh you think that's bad, just wait till you hear what's going on in my life."

I'm writing to explain.
To apologize.
And to let those that care about me enough to read my blog in on what's happening.

I realize I've been more snappy, less patient, less reliable, and not as cheerful the past few weeks. The biggest reason is the drama we've been dealing with as we attempt to buy a house.
To put things in perspective, a typical closing takes around 45 days or less.

We went to see the house the day after my birthday (March 23). We put an offer in on it that week. It's nearly July, and it still isn't ours. We honestly, at this moment, do not know whether or not it ever will be.

At this particular moment, we are still jumping through hoops to prove that we are stable and reliable to be worthy of the mortgage. So, we still do not have a set closing date. We still do not know what is going to happen. And living in limbo is not something my personality is suited for.

I spend my days fighting an overwhelming need to control everything. So, to have literally no control over anything that happens in this process has caused an extreme amount of stress. Additionally, since we were told we could close and move in two weeks ago, I packed up my apartment. I have been living out of boxes: finding ways to live around them, feeling disorganized and cluttered, and not knowing whether to unpack or continue packing for over two weeks now.

Again, I'm not writing this for pity, but if I've been short with you in a conversation, not responded to a text or message, or taken things personally that I shouldn't have, it's because I've been living with a great stessor on my shoulders for longer than I know how to cope with.

I wanted to break through the "Everything's fine, check out these cute pictures of my kid!" social media presence long enough to admit that not everything is swimming at the pool and enjoying friend time this summer. I wanted to admit that things are not really okay.

To my friends, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling everyone what has been going on all the time. We literally go from believing everything is fine to believing that there is no way to get the house at least twice a week at this point, and keeping everyone updated seems to just be asking everyone else to be stressed alongside us.

I'm sorry for not being myself lately, but I know that this is only a season and it will pass.

And thank you, if you're reading this, for the grace to let me be honest with where I am right now.

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